so here's my plan for the rest of my day: go to Borders and get that much needed cup of coffee. possibly sit out on the patio and enjoy the T storm that may or may not get here tonight. watch Gummo (only cuz i love JJ so Much). clean my room. do some research for my film paper. listen to jazz. drink green tea. go to bed at a more reasonable hour than last night. yeah, that sounds good.
Whenever I'm having a hard day and I want to escape the burdens of my current life, I like to log into Live Journal, pull up some old entries, and take a lovely trip down memory lane. The time period I tend to revisit the most is my last semester at Madison. I had given up alcohol completely, bought my first car, moved in with my dance instructor to get away from a bad living situation, and completely immersed myself in school. Though somewhat lonely, I was happy and independent...perhaps more so than I've ever been in my life.
I achieved so much in those few months that I guess I like to hold onto the memories to remind myself of who I was when I was at my best. I stayed sober for the entire semester, completed four extensive research papers, and got a 4.0 GPA. I took up running, learned Latin dance, and began my love affair with cooking. Because Darrell and I had different schedules, I was always home alone so it felt like I lived alone. I realized then how glorious life could be having your own place. It's not something I've since experienced and even though living with my parents was fine, and living with my sister has been a blast, I cannot wait to get my own apartment and reclaim that independence.
It's not as though things are so bad right now. I think I'm just longing to get back some things I feel like I've lost. Maybe it's a sense of self or a sense of purpose, I don't really know. My priorities have been a bit out of whack for awhile and I'm hoping that a new job, a new apartment, and essentially a new life will inspire me to go after the things I know will make me happy. I don't want to put so much stock into the things that continuously disappoint me simply because society has taught me to go after said things. I'm going to waste a lot of my time and energy if I keep doing that. If that last semester of college taught me anything it's that I can accomplish so much more when I extract all the bullshit from my life and focus only on what matters to me.
2 comments:
Living on your own is a blast...most of the time. It can get lonely at times, but for me, it has always been the exception and not the rule. It's nice having your own space and being able to do whatever you want to do. I think the biggest thing I disliked about living alone was cooking. I love to cook but it can get depressing cooking for one all the time. BUT, if you have someone in your life, I suppose it's not an issue.
I'm rambling.
ahhhhh simpler times :)
I'm sure glad you got to experience that time period. I mean you paid double rent, but in the long run, I'm pretty sure it was way worth it. Especially if you think about what the alternative could've been?? Those few months totally made you the person you are today!!
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