Leaving it all behind

So I wrote a whole blog about my 'feelings' regarding being laid off from my job. It was pretty negative because, well, how else is one supposed to feel when unemployment is only days away? But suddenly I had an epiphany and decided to scrap the whole thing. It was like reaching an emotional fork in the road where you can either succumb to your own negativity or abandon the whole sloppy mess and decide to be happy even though there isn't much at all to be happy about. For some reason I just feel like being a foolishly happy idiot who just assumes everything will work out rather than a cynical bitch with nothing but bad things to say. The life of the happy idiot has always sounded pretty appealing to me. Why not live it?

Okay so the future is a little scary for yours truly. If I don't get a job soon, I'll have to use my severance, tax return, savings, and possibly unemployment to survive. It sucks that I may have to use all this extra money I've earned to pay the bills rather than use it to pay down my debts or buy something special for myself. On the other hand, having that money means I won't have to borrow any from anyone else for at least three months and consequently go further into debt. That's certainly a better position to be than I was a few years ago when I was unemployed. I will also have oodles of time to read, work on my book, and just relax. When I'm not actively pursuing the job thing, I get to do whatever I want. And since when has 'doing whatever one wants' been such a bad prospect?

My head has been so clouded with the fear, frustration, and stress of looking for a job that I haven't been able to fully comprehend how absolutely glorious it is to finally be free of this job. I always felt stifled and held back by it and now I'm getting the opportunity to move on to bigger and better things. Who knows, I may even be challenged by next job. What a concept! Not to sound dramatic but it really does feel like being released from prison. Sure it'd be nice if when I walked through the gates I wasn't greeted by five feet of frozen snow and sub zero temperatures, but the relentless Wisconsin winter is something I should probably just ignore if I'm going to make this whole 'happy idiot' thing work.

So to paraphrase some of the immortal words of Patrick Bateman, I think it's time to stop sounding so fucking sad. Winter will be over soon, this annoying cold will pass, and I will get a new job. The best things in life are worth waiting for and I know it's all going to work out for me eventually. I'll be content and comfortable in my new cozy life and it'll be difficult to remember ever being upset about anything. So if only good things await me, why not start being happy this very second?