Why do we envy?

Nobody's life is perfect. In fact, most people deal with a lot of problems and hardships. So why do we spend more time wishing we had someone else's life instead of our own? I often think about this strange tendency of human beings because I am extremely guilty of it myself. The funny thing is...I really do like my life. There are things that I wish I could change but for the most part I think I'm doing very well for a 24 year-old female. And the interesting thing is, while I may sometimes want someone else's life, I never want to be someone else. So if that's true, what's the point in envying?

There is no point. Unfortunately though feeling envious is part of human nature. No matter how secure we are with ourselves and our lives, there is always something someone else has that we want. So rather that beat ourselves up for experiencing the feelings, I think it's important to figure out how to deal with the feelings constructively. Lately I've been realizing a lot about how the human mind functions and although it may sound cliche, it's all about attitude. The same thought or feeling could crop up in two people and the way those two people choose to deal with that thought or feeling absolutely determines how happy each person will be.

I could look at my life in the following way: I have a boring job, I'm poor, single, and all my best friends live 70 miles away. Or I could look at it like this: I have great writing and cooking skills. I'm taking acting classes which has been my dream since I was a child. I have a full-time job with great benefits. I'm working on publishing my first book. I have an amazing family. I have good health because I run, do yoga, and eat well. I have a fantastic apartment that I share with the best roommate in the world. And perhaps my greatest asset of all...I have a never ending desire to be a good person.

It's silly to assume that someone else's life is perfect because he or she may have a bunch of exciting things I don't have. People also have a wide variety of problems, insecurities, and hangups that I wouldn't want to touch with a 10-foot pole! And some people are really good at hiding these things so their lives will always seem perfect on the outside. We can never know the whole picture which is really the biggest reason why being envious is misguided and pointless. But like I said earlier, it's a part of human nature and the only thing we can do to rise above it is acknowledge the emotion, move on, and start appreciating what have.

Like I always say, life's too short to dwell on the negative. Never let yourself be angry, guilty, vengeful, or envious for longer than a moment. There's a whole world out there to be enjoyed and with the right attitude, anything is possible.

"He melts my foolish heart in every single scene..."

Recently, EW did a photo gallery tribute to the "ultimate male hotties" of the last fifteen years or so. This tribute really had nothing to do with acting chops or Oscar caliber performances. It was purely a dedication to the men they think heat up the screen. While I appreciate and very much agree with their sentiments, I decided to take those same "hotties" and consider what I think makes them so sexy.

Now unlike a lot of male moviegoers who would actually pay to see Good Luck Chuck for the sole reason of maybe seeing Jessica Alba naked, I actually have an affection for these lads that goes beyond physical appearance. Eye candy is lovely but if I'm already scarfing down nachos and Raisinets what I want more than anything is a little cinematic nutrition. The following actors are just that. They are absolutely thrilling to watch because they'll do anything to convey a character accurately and honestly. Yes, it helps that they are good-looking, but if you've ever seen The Insider, Courage Under Fire or The Machinist you'll know that hotness isn't always about being pretty. To me it's about being fearless and at one time or another, every man on this list has taken a leap.

But hey, if all that stuff about acting and "maintaining the integrity of a role" has you totally bored, there are plenty of ways you can enjoy all the guys on this list, and E-dubs and I have illustrated several.


Christian Bale



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment Who knew the kid from The Empire of the Sun would grow up to be a work of art? We love him best as the sexiest Bruce Wayne to hit the big screen in Batman Begins

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment For pure sex appeal, I've gotta say American Psycho. But my heart AND uterus skipped a beat watching him play a struggling husband and father in 3:10 to Yuma.


George Clooney



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment Successfully wooing the U.S. marshal (Jennifer Lopez) who means to put him back in prison in 1998's Out of Sight

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment I have to agree with E-dubs on this one. The bathtub, the hotel room, it was all very, very good.


Terrence Howard



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment Slipping a garter off an icy (but quickly melting) bridesmaid in 1999's The Best Man

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment The final moments of The Brave One. It's a very controversial ending to a very controversial film but Terrence did such a beautiful job. We ladies love of a guy who can be tender and sensitive while also kicking some major ass.


Jake Gyllenhaal



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment Shaving in a car's side-view mirror, moments before meeting his soon-to-be-lover Heath Ledger in 2005's Academy Award-winning Brokeback Mountain

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment I really need to go back to where it all began. I first saw Jake in Donnie Darko about five years ago and it remains my favorite performance of his to this day. Smart, witty, tortured, heroic...Donnie was the kind of guy you wish had gone to your high school.


Hugh Jackman



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment With his razor-sharp claws and superhuman physical capabilities in the X-men film series, Wolverine is no doubt at the head of the pack

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment Taking care of the sobbing mess that was Ashley Judd in Someone Like You. While I've never met a man in real life who could go from misogynistic asshole to sensitive confidant in just 97 minutes, Hugh has enough charm and charisma to pull it off in this movie.


Ewan McGregor



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment As a dashing, starry-eyed poet, singing a medley of love songs on the rooftop with Nicole Kidman in 2001's Moulin Rouge

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment To this day I still wonder if Big Fish would have had the same impact on me if Tim Burton had instead cast his favorite leading man, Johnny Depp, in the lead role. I adore Johnny but Ewan McGregor gave this character a kind of whimsy that I don't think any other actor could have given it. The circus scene is absolutely beautiful to watch.


Wentworth Miller



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment Crashing Mariah Carey's wedding and using his killer stare to steal her away from Eric Roberts in the diva's "We Belong Together" video

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment Hands down Wentworth's hottest moment was when his Prison Break character Michael Scofield finally planted one on sexy prison doctor Sara Tancredi. The scene was tender, provocative, and probably one of the most-watched YouTube clips of all time.


Hugh Grant



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment As the hapless, hunky love interest of the engaging (and sadly engaged) Andie MacDowell in 1994's romantic dramedy Four Wedding and a Funeral

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment It's so hard to decide! I absolutely love him in Notting Hill and About a Boy but I think I have to go with his role as Prime Minister in Love Actually. Going to the "dodgy end" of Wandsworth and knocking on every door just to track down his lady, well it doesn't get much hotter than that.


Clive Owen



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment Bravely shepherding the last baby on Earth through a war zone in 2006's Children of Men

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment Okay so it doesn't exactly scream romantic, but Closer is definitely where you'll find Clive's sexiest stuff. Watching him berate and degrade his cheating wife (played against type by Julia Roberts) is infuriating, heart-breaking and arousing all at the same time.


Denzel Washington



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment Cheating on wife Joie Lee with siren Cynda Williams in 1990's Mo' Better Blues

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment I love to watch Denzel's character arc in Philadelphia. As lawyer Joe Miller, Denzel begins as a typical man's man, proud of his masculinity while also quite homophobic. Based solely on the challenge of it, Joe decides to represent Andy, a homosexual lawyer who was fired because he contracted AIDS. As the film progresses and Joe grows closer to Andy, it is beautiful to watch him let his guard down and open himself up to a world he was once repulsed by. If only every man could follow suit.


Russell Crowe



EW's Ultimate Hottie Moment In the Colosseum, avenging the murders of his beloved wife and son, in 2000's Gladiator

Z's Ultimate Hottie Moment Who doesn't love a good Western especially one with a great anti-hero. Russell Crowe gives us exactly that with his portrayal of Ben Wade in 3:10 to Yuma. Like the Man with No Name, Ethan Edwards, and Bill Munny, Ben Wade illustrates all the great qualities of a Western anti-hero and does it with confidence, intelligence and oodles of sex appeal.


Honorable Mention (E-dubs, how could you leave THESE guys off the list??)

Daniel Craig, Hugh Laurie, Adrien Brody, Aaron Eckhart, Joaquin Phoenix, and Matt Damon. Now did I leave off anyone? Let me know peeps!

"Acting is a way of living out one's insanity.”

I've done very little acting in my life. A few scenes in my film classes and some things when I was in elementary school. Enough to catch the bug but never explore it in any real way. So to pursue acting is quite a challenge not only because I am inexperienced, but because I want so badly to succeed at it. I have a love for actors and the craft of acting that I can't quite describe. It's been with me since I was young and it is really what has fueled my passion for film through the years.

So here I am, three weeks into an adult acting class I finally got myself to take. How am I feeling? Absolutely ecstatic. The first two weeks I compare to wading around in the shallow end of a swimming pool. Getting wet and moving around but not attempting anything too dangerous. This past week, however, was the real test. I was finally thrown into the deep end and left to my own devices. We were given an open scene project which involved taking a very basic dialogue exchange and interpreting it in such as way as to create a very specific scene with a specific setting and characters. The scene had to make sense which was difficult consider we couldn't change a syllable of dialogue.

I was nervous about this project because a. it was my first time memorizing a scene b. I was working with a woman who is hearing and visually impaired and c. I would be performing said scene in front of several more experienced actors. I decided though to let that all go and just embrace the nature of the scene. Being that it took place in a cemetery and I was playing a character who was attempting to comfort a widowed friend, I really wanted to focus on the emotions and not let outside factors influence my performance. I wanted it to be sincere and believable.

I've got to say, it was extremely nerve-wracking being up there performing. It was also exhilarating. For those few minutes I was totally caught up in the scene to a point where I felt like I was transformed by it. What was scary though was not knowing how the audience was receiving it. The second we broke character and I looked out at everyone I had absolutely no idea what the reaction would be. Relief doesn't even begin to explain how I felt once my instructor began to speak.

"Wow, that was really good. Very beautiful scene."

Really? I thought. And then I scanned the rest of the students' faces and they had this look of absolute agreement and amazement. I honestly couldn't believe what I had done. I felt as though some real actor has slipped in for me, performed the scene, and then snuck out just as the audience began to clap. It not only gave me this huge boost of confidence, but because Antonia and I had volunteered to go first, we were able to sit back, relax, and enjoy our classmates' performances. The other scenes were much more light-hearted and I definitely needed that after being wrapped up in such an intense scene myself.

When class ended and I walked to the elevator, two of my fellow students were also waiting to ride down to the first floor. As I approached the elevator, one of them said to me, "really good job today" and the other nodded her head and her eyes widened as though she was thinking back to it with amazement. It was truly awe-inspiring.

So it seems my first attempts at acting are going quite well and I'm really hoping the first go-round was not a fluke. Not only do I want to be able to do this, I want to be able to do it well. I'd love nothing more than to get enough training and enough confidence to begin auditioning and hopefully at some point begin performing for real audiences. I'm finally beginning to feel a real kinship and connection to all of those actors who have always inspired me. It makes me happier than anything has in a long, long time.

Another lovely literary creation is born

Whenever I sit down to write a blog post, a film review, or even a simple tirade on the trivialites of my life, I thank my lucky stars that I was blessed with the ability to write. It's a gift that has gotten me extremely far in my young life. But this gift didn't just fall out of the sky. It was given to me by my mother who happens to be one of the most talented writers I have ever known.

So why do I speak of this now? Well it just so happens that my mother, esteemed romance author Diana Laurence, recently published her eighth book (ninth, if you include an e-book she wrote about, what else, publishing!) The novel is called Bloodchained and it is very unique in that Diana consulted a wide variety of people whom she gathered through a Yahoo! Group to write the story. From choosing characters' names to deciding between several possible plot synopses, all of the Bloodchained contributors helped Diana create what is sure to be her most riveting and complex creation yet.

In order to shed some light on my mother's recent brainchild, I am providing a very interesting little interview with the talented lady herself.



Q: So, what kind of people will enjoy reading Bloodchained?

A: The book is a paranormal suspense novel, set in a fantasy world with a Renaissance feel. It features an original, romantic twist on vampires, a new race of blood-drinkers called “Roicans.” So it will appeal to people who enjoy Renaissance faires, historical romances, fantasies, and mysteries. I’d say check out the book if you like Robin Hobb, Anne Rice, “Lord of the Rings,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” even “Harry Potter.” Anyone who enjoys fantasy, horror or science fiction and has a romantic bent could really like Bloodchained. It’s a great love story but also a page-turner that male fantasy fans can get into.

Q: What’s the story about?

A: Grace and Sebastian Gilder are 20-something orphaned siblings, whose parents left them a thriving inn and tavern on the edge of the bustling city of Audicacia. They’re right on the road taken by pilgrims coming to visit the Temple of Love, a mysterious edifice reputed to answer the prayers of the lovelorn. One day three strangers, two men and a woman, arrive at the inn, and Grace and Sebastian quickly find themselves attracted to all three. So attracted, in fact, that they are rather concerned. As the story unfolds, bits of the puzzle are revealed, and clearly the three travelers are somehow mixed up in the business of the Roicans, a legendary race of blood-drinking immortals. But just how they are connected to the Roicans is unclear, and it’s hard to tell bad guys from good. By the time you do, the stakes are life and death. And the romance is in trouble too.

Q: So what’s the deal with these “Roicans”? Why not go with standard vampires?

A: The problem with conventional vampires is that they are attractive, but soulless and damned. It’s hard to write a romance or happy-ending book about vampires...after all, Dracula is a horror story. “Buffy” and the Anne Rice books are quite dark and tortured. I wanted to write a love story as well as a suspense novel, so I felt I had to solve this quandary. But my assignment was to write a book about blood-drinkers, and there’s no denying people adore vampires. The whole domination/submission thing is very powerful, as is the idea of creatures that can mesmerize you and do this bad thing to you that at the same time so pleasurable.

So I took those elements of the vampire archetype that work well with romance, and devised a different origin for the Roicans, a different set of rules. They are the offspring of one original pair, Ireogot and Heroica, who loved so perfectly that by drinking each other’s blood they became both totally one, and also immortal. So the basis of the race is very romantic and positive. Unfortunately, the race eventually fell, as any humans with supernatural powers will, and now we have Roicans as diverse as there are mortals. Some are good, noble, and heroic. Others are selfish megalomaniacs. Most are just regular folks who happen to drink blood and live forever. It all makes Roican/mortal relations rather tricky. And it’s very fun for me, the author, because I get to work with charismatic characters that you love to love, and love to hate.

Q: You said “my assignment was to write a book about blood-drinkers” ...what “assignment”?

A: Bloodchained is a totally unique book in that it was written, in a sense, by 64 people. Back in January 2007 I was thinking about my next book project and wanted to find a way to use technology to get readers and fans involved in the writing. I recruited 63 people, most of them strangers, to take part. I used online polls, email, my website, and a blog to keep the group connected. My partners chose the genre, point of view, and sensuality level of the book, and they also picked the plot from three synopses. They named the characters based on sketches I prepared. They were involved in critiquing throughout the writing process, and then six volunteers read and edited the entire manuscript before it went to my professional editor.

Q: How did that process affect the writing?

A: Honestly, I was amazed at how much having my partners involved helped me. Their insights were fantastic: they constantly thought of things that didn’t occur to me at all. It resulted in this being a much better conceived and written book than I’ve ever written before (and I’ve written a lot of books!). It was also great fun to have a “cheering section”--these people were so enthusiastic and supportive.

Q: What else have you written and published?

A: I’ve been freelancing for over thirty years. My first published piece was a short story that appeared in ‘Teen magazine when I was thirteen, back in the days of hippies! I’ve sold various short works over the years, and also published a book of devotions, a self-help book on Jungian psychology, two novels (a contemporary and a fantasy romance), and four collections of short tasteful erotic stories. I’m best known for those, the “Soulful Sex” books, which are erotic romance for people who enjoy reading about sex but don’t get into the more raw stuff in typical erotica.

Q: You publish your own books. Why not use a “real” publisher? Shouldn’t readers worry that that’s an indication your books might be amateurish?

A: First of all, in the past I’ve had books published by four different publishers. My last publisher was quite good to work with and I was their bestselling author; unfortunately, as so often happens in the small press, they went out of business. I had a couple new publishers ask after my work, but I decided at that time to start publishing all my books myself. It gave me so much more control over everything, and I am able to produce better quality books, at a faster pace, for lower prices. There’s no downside at all!

Most laypeople don’t realize how tough the publishing business is. It’s almost impossible nowadays for new authors to sign with the big New York houses, and even if they are, it’s no picnic. Most often your title is out for a few months and then falls forever into obscurity, never being seen in bookstores again. And the time it takes to release a book this way is ridiculous in today’s fast-paced climate. From conception to online bookstores, Bloodchained took six months. Meanwhile, a writer friend of mine working with a small print publisher is going to be waiting a year for a book he finished in 2006 to be released…and I’d be very surprised if it comes out looking as nice as Bloodchained! You just care more about quality when it’s your own work.

Q: And why do you like Bloodchained in particular so much?

A: I was so pleased with what my partners chose for me to write. It has all the elements I enjoy personally: a spunky, sympathetic heroine; a hero who is one of those off-putting but irresistible types like Mr. Rochester or Mr. Darcy; seductive paranormal elements; hot and romantic love scenes; a cozy Renaissance-y setting; a hot, nasty villain in sort of Cillian Murphy-style; tons of page-turning suspense; and, thanks to all my editors, writing that I think is very rich and vibrant. The world of Audicacia and the Roicans has so many possibilities--I’m desperately hoping the book will catch on and I can write a sequel.

Q: How can people find out more, and buy the book?

A: Just visit the official website at www.bloodchained.com for everything you need to know. The book is available in trade paperback, lit, pdf and Mobipocket formats, from the publisher or from online retailers like Amazon and Barnes and Noble. People interested in finding out more about me and my other work, please visit www.dianalaurence.com, and check out my blog at www.eroticawithsoul.blogspot.com. My publishing house site is www.livingbeyondreality.com, and for anyone interested in downloading free sample ebooks to experience my writing, visit the LBR Press READ FREE page at www.livingbeyondreality.com/readfree.html

Pulling the plug

I've been meaning to address something for quite some time, however, I can't help but feel a little hypocritcal when it comes to this particular topic. What's the topic I speak of? Internet addiction and more specifically, Facebook addiction. I find the whole thing extremely fascinating mainly because I have such a love/hate relationship with it myself.

There are times when Facebook is amusing and does indeed help me keep in touch and make plans with friends. But that's really where it stops. More often than not I find myself uncontrollably drawn to the website when I'd rather be doing something else. What is it? The urge to update my status which is absolutely insignificant? The desire to know exactly what an ex has been up to in the last month even though I want nothing to do with him in my real life? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, this obsession we have with Facebook. It's simply an off-shoot of a more deeply rooted problem: internet addiction in general.

People wonder how I can possibly live without having the internet at home. It's because if it's there, I'm going to go on it and I don't enjoy spending every waking moment online. Having access to it for the nine hours I'm at work is enough, believe me. And developing a dependence on the internet just feels a little disgusting to me. Think about it. It's not good to get physically upset by internet withdrawal. It's not good to freak out because you can't see whether or not anyone wrote on your Facebook wall in the last two hours. I just feel that people rely to heavily on the internet for things they really shouldn't rely on it for, i.e. social validation and mental masturbation.

So to avoid becoming a complete hypocrite, yours truly is going to take a bit of a hiatus from the devil's playground that is Facebook. I cannot help but feel a small weight lifted from my shoulders thinking how nice it'll be. I can pretend for a little while that I'm capable of functioning outside of an e-world. So please, if you need to get a hold of me, try the phone...or if you're really feeling crazy, ring my doorbell.

...

For more exciting insights into this subject, check out a very cool article from the International Herald Tribune:

Meanwhile: Just one more, and I swear I quit

When you bleed Cubbie blue

Pennant races are exciting. When the Brewers lost complete control of their 8 game lead in the NL central back in June/July and the Cubs took the reigns I was hoping it would come down to this. A fight to the death for a playoff spot both teams have been after for years. The Brewers haven't made the playoffs since 1982 and the Cubbies have been looking for a chance to redeem themselves since the Steve Bartman travesty of 2003. It's a baseball thriller you couldn't script but now that we're nearing the end and the Brewers and Cubs are once again tied for first I can't help but retract the desire I had three months ago for a neck and neck race to the finish line.



Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy that the Cubs are even in the race at all considering they were indescribably awful last year. Their playoff hopes were pretty much dashed in June. I guess the problem lies in the fact that because they're in this race, there's a 50% chance I'm going to have my heart seriously broken in a few weeks. I've been a Cub fan for a long time but this is the year I realized how truly important this team is to me. At one point the Brewers were 14 above .500 and the Cubs were 7 below .500 and now look at where we are. The Cubbies overcame was seemed like an insurmountable obstacle. Yes, it helped that the Brewers completely collapsed in July and then again in August. However, it's a lot more difficult to come back from behind then it is to blow a giant lead. I was and remain so proud of every single member of this team it often creates a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye.



Now I wouldn't change a single thing about this season if I could. It's been one of the greatest sports seasons I've experienced in my life. I guess I'm just feeling a little sad now that we're getting to the end. And it's less about the Cubs losing the pennant race to the Brewers and more about how much I'm going to miss seeing these guys play every day. How much I'm going to miss seeing all those fans at Wrigley Field, listening to Pat & Ron the radio, and visiting the Cubs' Yahoo! Sports page religiously.



More than anything though I'm going to miss how close this team has brought me to my parents. All those lazy Saturday and Sunday afternoons we gathered together in the living room to watch WGN or sat on the patio listening to the soothing sounds of Pat, Ron and Wrigley Field. All the conversations we had in the kitchen about how amazing...or not amazing the Cubs had played that day. These are the moments that have made me the Cubs fan I am today. I'm now convinced that if you cut me open, my veins would twist like the ivy on the outfield wall at Wrigley and I'd bleed Cubbie blue. The downside of this kind of fandom is of course the aching disappointment of my team missing out at a shot at the World Series. But the upside is something I can't even describe. It's the reward that comes with the kind of patience, commitment, and hope only a Cub fan can and will ever understand.

3:10 to Yuma

It's been a few weeks since I've seen this film but I gotta say I'm still feeling the impact and thus I had to blog it out. I can say now, even just three weeks into Fall Movie Season, if you see anything at all in the coming months make sure you check out 3:10 to Yuma. Not a fan of Westerns? Who fucking cares. It's brilliant and the performances are unparalleled.



I think my favorite part about this film is the supporting roles. And trust me, I LURVE Christian Bale and Russell Crowe so to say that means a great deal. We have Dallas Roberts, a favorite of mine since A Home at the End of the World, who plays a calm, cool, and relatively collected railroad rep. His job is to simply personify the unforgiving nature of the railroad business but he does it so vividly and convincingly that I found his character to be one of the best in the film.

Alan Tudyk, known primarily for his work in the fantastic but unseen sci-fi series Firefly, is once again great as Doc Potter, an unassuming yet witty veterinarian who is roped into (no pun intended) joining the posse of men escorting Crowe's Ben Wade to the prison train.



I really enjoyed Peter Fonda's performance in this film I think because he's barely recognizable as Peter Fonda. Maybe it's just my strange taste but I've never taken to Peter Fonda in anything he's done which is odd considering I absolutely adore his father in everything! In 3:10 to Yuma, Fonda breathes grizzled life into Byron McElroy, a bounty hunter intent on killing Ben Wade to gain a reward before the government can kill him themselves.



But all in all, I have to say the Best Supporting Actor award goes to Ben Foster. Speaking of unrecognizable, it took me several scenes to piece together that this was, in fact, the same guy who played the naive Jewish teenager Ben Kurtzman in Liberty Heights. Unbelievable. This is undeniably Ben's best work as he completely inhabits what could have been a caricature of role with brutal cynicism and unrelenting cruelty. He honestly makes Russell Crowe's "bad guy" look a bit like Jimmy Stewart and Russell Crowe's "bad guy" is freakin' bad as hell.



So on top of all the amazing performances, 3:10 to Yuma has got a solid script (thank you AGAIN Elmore Leonard!), some eye-popping cinematography, and an absolutely beautiful score. It's been a really long time since I've come out of a movie so jacked up and eager to tell every one and their mother about what I'd just seen and this film did that and then some. Between 3:10 to Yuma and The Assassination of Jesse James which comes out this weekend, I am so excited to say that the Western is officially back in business. So get your ass to the theater and start soaking it up.

...

To get even more fantastic insights into the subtle greatness of 3:10 to Yuma, check out this review from the incomparable Roger Ebert.

"One test of a great actor is the ability to let dialogue do its work invisibly..."