"Acting is a way of living out one's insanity.”

I've done very little acting in my life. A few scenes in my film classes and some things when I was in elementary school. Enough to catch the bug but never explore it in any real way. So to pursue acting is quite a challenge not only because I am inexperienced, but because I want so badly to succeed at it. I have a love for actors and the craft of acting that I can't quite describe. It's been with me since I was young and it is really what has fueled my passion for film through the years.

So here I am, three weeks into an adult acting class I finally got myself to take. How am I feeling? Absolutely ecstatic. The first two weeks I compare to wading around in the shallow end of a swimming pool. Getting wet and moving around but not attempting anything too dangerous. This past week, however, was the real test. I was finally thrown into the deep end and left to my own devices. We were given an open scene project which involved taking a very basic dialogue exchange and interpreting it in such as way as to create a very specific scene with a specific setting and characters. The scene had to make sense which was difficult consider we couldn't change a syllable of dialogue.

I was nervous about this project because a. it was my first time memorizing a scene b. I was working with a woman who is hearing and visually impaired and c. I would be performing said scene in front of several more experienced actors. I decided though to let that all go and just embrace the nature of the scene. Being that it took place in a cemetery and I was playing a character who was attempting to comfort a widowed friend, I really wanted to focus on the emotions and not let outside factors influence my performance. I wanted it to be sincere and believable.

I've got to say, it was extremely nerve-wracking being up there performing. It was also exhilarating. For those few minutes I was totally caught up in the scene to a point where I felt like I was transformed by it. What was scary though was not knowing how the audience was receiving it. The second we broke character and I looked out at everyone I had absolutely no idea what the reaction would be. Relief doesn't even begin to explain how I felt once my instructor began to speak.

"Wow, that was really good. Very beautiful scene."

Really? I thought. And then I scanned the rest of the students' faces and they had this look of absolute agreement and amazement. I honestly couldn't believe what I had done. I felt as though some real actor has slipped in for me, performed the scene, and then snuck out just as the audience began to clap. It not only gave me this huge boost of confidence, but because Antonia and I had volunteered to go first, we were able to sit back, relax, and enjoy our classmates' performances. The other scenes were much more light-hearted and I definitely needed that after being wrapped up in such an intense scene myself.

When class ended and I walked to the elevator, two of my fellow students were also waiting to ride down to the first floor. As I approached the elevator, one of them said to me, "really good job today" and the other nodded her head and her eyes widened as though she was thinking back to it with amazement. It was truly awe-inspiring.

So it seems my first attempts at acting are going quite well and I'm really hoping the first go-round was not a fluke. Not only do I want to be able to do this, I want to be able to do it well. I'd love nothing more than to get enough training and enough confidence to begin auditioning and hopefully at some point begin performing for real audiences. I'm finally beginning to feel a real kinship and connection to all of those actors who have always inspired me. It makes me happier than anything has in a long, long time.